5 September 2011, 10:03 am
I'm 20 years old. I just found out Thursday, September 01, that Im pregnant. I have not had a period for over a year and a half. (Yes I know thats strange and no Im not taking any birth control or anything else to make me stop having periods, I just simply dont get them) I just recently moved 4 hours away from home to go school. My boyfriend still lives at home and we have been together for 10 months. He came to visit me about a week ago and noticed that I have gained a little belly and boob weight since the last time he saw me. I noticed I was gaining weight but I thought I was just eating more. (The move has been difficult to adjust to. I have already decided I want to move back home by the fall term of school next year. I have been extremely emotional and I have had recent belly aches which I thought were because of the move but now I see that it was early signs that I ignored) He had a hunch I was pregnant and asked me to take a test. I laughed at him and told him no, that he was being silly. I took one to prove to him I was not pregnant. To my surprise it was positive. I have been in college for 2 years now. My twin sister and I moved here together so we could go to a university. My family is so proud of us for staying in school and being independent for the past couple years. My grandparents have helped us so much to get where we are today. The first thought that ran through my head when I realized this is real was, I am throwing away my future, everything I have worked for, I have disappointed my family. I didnt think twice before I told my boyfriend that I was getting an abortion. He was heartbroken. Since I havent had a period in a long time, its hard to tell how far along I am. I have made the earliest appointment for September 7 to have the abortion but Im afraid, yet hoping, theyll say I'm too far along to have the procedure. I know that it is the best decision for my future but I don't know how I will ever forgive myself for going through with it. I made a quick but painful decision. The last couple days have been torturous to say the least. I am trying to comfort my boyfriend because I know his heart is breaking but he is still very angry with me. He is not coming with me Wednesday and went back home early yesterday morning without saying a word to me. I am afraid this will tear us apart. I have talked to my sister, my mom, my grandparents, and my boyfriends mom, they are all sympathetic to the choice I have made, knowing it will be the hardest decision of my life, but I have their support no matter what I decide to do. Right now I am a full time student and a part time waitress. I make decent money for someone my age, but not nearly enough to take care of a baby. School and work consume my time so not only am I Iacking the money but also the time it takes to be commited to a new born. Plus I do not have health insurance and cant afford it. Travis on the other hand makes extremely good money and has health insurance through his job. He has tried to change my mind by telling me we can get a house back home where I want to be, which is near my grandparents, near his job, and close to the university I want to go to. He knows how important school is for me so he said he will work to support us so I can go to school and take care of the baby instead of have a job. With the support of my grandparents, I know they would help baby sit if I needed extra time for my studies but Id hate to ask them. Travis does make enough money to support us comfortably, and the baby and I could be on his insurance if we got married, but he works ridiculous hours. 12 hours almost every day sometimes 18 hours a day. He is a work-a-holic but the baby needs a present father. He said he'd cut back his hours to be home more to help with the baby, but Travis is also helping pay for his brother's college education so he can only cut back so many hours. Travis is only 23 and he is very smart, due to having an asshole father, he never got the chance to go to college even though he had a free ride to UNC State. He has dreams of going back to college and he deserves to go. He does not want to admit that this baby could put a stop to both of our futures. I am taking on the burden of thinking logically for the both of us but I fear that I am over thinking it I have the support I need from family, Travis has a good job to support us and get us health insurance which the baby would have to have, but I'm afraid that even the best plans can fall apart. I know there are alot of other parents that have been in far worse conditions and still they found a way to make it work, but I want to give my baby the best future. Please help me. I'v put my whole situation out there for some much needed advice. Should I stick to my first instinct, or should I give this a shot? Can I give my baby the good future it deserves?... Read More »
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